Friday, November 22, 2013

Roland Emmerich Does His Thing with the Ridiculous "White House Down"

He uses this gun to kill one guy. One.
It’s been almost three months since I’ve posted on here. That was by design – with graduation on the horizon, I’ve been focusing most of my spare time on nursing studies. However, now that my schedule is easing up, I’m itching to get back to writing reviews.

Since I’ve been gone so long, it might seem that I’d jump at the opportunity to review one of the good movies I saw during the time off. However, to get back in the swing of things, I figure I’ll go for the softball instead. Gravity can wait. Let’s talk some White House Down, which, to be clear, is the assault on the presidential residence movie starring Magic Mike and Django, not the one with King Leonidas and Two Face.

White House Down is slickly made product that’s populated with a slew of great actors and features some impressive scenes of visual destruction. It’s got two talented leads in Channing Tatum and Jamie Foxx, and they have an appealing buddy chemistry that’s bound to entertain most people. Of course, it’s also a loud, dumb and cliché spectacle of the variety that can only be delivered by the likes of Roland Emmerich (Independence Day, 2012).

Basically, this thing is a McDonald’s Big Mac. It’s processed crap for sure, but it’s kind of tasty and, they’ve thrown on all that lettuce, some salty pickles and that Thousand Island sauce. Is it better than something like The King’s Speech? Well, no. But a Big Mac isn’t better than king crab legs, and I’m still a lot more likely to eat a Big Mac.

Like Independence Day before it, White House Down has some clunker moments that somehow manage to make it that much more enjoyable. One great example: Early on there’s a scene where we find out Tatum’s John Cale missed his daughter’s color guard recital (or something), and, of course, in the climatic moments of the film he gets to watch as she courageously bandies the presidential flag about on the White House lawn to convince incoming fighter pilots not to blow up the building.

That's pretty much all I got. However, I will say that once, just once, I'd love to see a movie where a character escapes death by a bullet courtesy of an everyday object in his or her pocket (a bible, a pocket watch, whatever) only to be killed moments later. Or, in lieu of that, maybe a comedy where cops or soldiers are issued everyday items with the stated purpose that it could one day take a bullet for them. C